I hate politics. I was watching the Bruins last night, who were losing 3-0 to the Rangers. I decided to do my civic duty and watch President Obama’s State of the Union address, since the game seemed to be a downer. Through the magic of Facebook I found out that I missed one of the great comebacks in recent Bruin memory. Down by 3 goals with 10 minutes to go the Bruins scored once, and then pulled Tuukka Rask in the final 2 minutes, scoring twice!! Thank God for DVR.

The Bruins ended up losing in a shootout, but I came out of it even more optimistic about this teams chance to win its 2^nd Stanley Cup Title in 3 years. I also came out if with these 3 thoughts:

 

1) Rick Nash is the most talented player in the NHL. I’ve never seen anyone with his size who is able to do the things he does.

2) Brad Marchand is the best player on the Bruins. He’s going to have a better career than Tyler Seguin. You heard it here first.

 

3) Jack Edwards may be a huge homer, but he is the friggin man!!

 

The final thought got me thinking, which announcer is the bigger homer; Jack Edwards or Tommy Heinsohn. Here is the case for each:

Jack Edwards

 

Last night’s game against the Rangers was Jack Edwards at his finest. After witnessing one of the greatest comebacks any of us has ever seen Jack literally started jumping for joy in the booth. Realizing that people would point out his unrestrained behavior and point out his unhidden Bruins-bias he responded by saying “People will say oh he’s such a homahhh, he’s such a homahhh. Get OVER IT!! You come to hockey games to get excited”.

Fans and writers of other teams can’t stand Edwards. For the most part we love him around here. Some find him a little over the top, but I love this guy’s enthusiasm. He’s a true fan, he’s well spoken, and he comes up with some of the most outrageous proverbs that you couldn’t find inside your fortune cookie.

Jack has done a number of things over the years to establish himself as the ultimate homer, and master of the one-liners.

• “Orpik threw Daniel Paille like he was a kids teddy bear flying across a bedroom”
• “One, two, three, D’oh”
• “On Donder, On Blitzen, On Seidenberg!!”
• “This……is……a…….SKUNKING!!!”
• “A Johnny Rocket!!”
• “Lucic gives Spezza a little tap, as if to say the Golf Course it that way”
• “That was a Matt Cooke sandwich. Wasn’t very tasty I might add”
• “If you’re waiting for Tuukka Rask to move first, you’re going to grow old doing it”
• “It’s beat up David Krecji day”
• “Thornton comes over and says ‘if you wanna go, I’m the guy, 22 is the address’”
• “2 U’s, 2 K’s, 2 points” (after Tuukka Rask wins)

“Niskanen is getting his head rearranged by Sheriff Shane Hnidy. He is not gonna be a pretty looking boy anymore.”

• “They have beaten them, and tonight they have beaten them up”
• “Daniel Sedin, with a chicken wing on Sedin’s stick”
• “Concuss THAT”

 

Who can forget Jack’s jingoistic rant after defeating the Canadiens on Patriot’s Day:

• “234 years ago, a bunch of ragtag farmers stood up against the greatest fighting force in the world. Well, a bunch of modern day Bostonians have turned back hockey’s royalty, and they have sent the Montreal faithful on a redcoated retreat to the exits!!”

Or his rant after sweeping the Flyers in the 2^nd round of the playoffs:

• “SUMMERTIME is coming to Philadelphia!!!”

Or his wild explosion in anger when Roman Hamrlik flopped after a hit by Michael Ryder:

• “Hamrlik goes down like he was shot. GGGEEETTTT UPPPPPPPP!!!!!”

I have no idea where he comes up this stuff, but I know he’s just going to keep it coming. Oh yea and Canadiens fans hate him with a passion. Even more reason to like what he brings to the table!

 

 

Tommy Heinsohn

 

Tommy brings a different style to the Celtics. Jack was originally an ESPN guy. They only hire guys with neutral accents that speak well and eloquently. Tommy works for NESN and it doesn’t take listeners long to figure out that he is not ESPN material. There are several reasons Tommy can only be a local network commentator. He’s got a thick accent that’s a blend of Jersey, Boston and Pumba from the Lion King. He is unapologetically pro-Celtic. He notoriously gives out “Tommy Points” to players that hustle. And he likes to YELL!!!!

The most common object of Tommy’s ire is the referees. Quite often Tommy disagrees with their in-game calls. I feel his pain a lot of the time, because NBA refs are a disgrace to humanity. I love when you know a Tommy blowup is coming. You see a bad call and a brief silence, followed by something light from Mike Gorman. You can hear Tommy breathing in. Then right before the replay Tommy just lets it out. Usually his volume escalates as the replay continues, and he closes it out with something like “Boy I tell you, these referees are out to lunch”. I love Tommy because he’s like the crazy stubborn grandfather who’s never been wrong his entire life. Never.

My favorite is when Tommy initially complains about a call, and upon seeing the replay realizes the call was good. Usually Mike Gorman says something like “Yup. That was a foul. Good call”. This is the only time you won’t hear from Tommy during a game.

Here’s some great Tommy Rants (all in one game):

• “HE WALKED!!! HE WALKED!!!! What is WRONG WITH THESE GUYS???!!!”
• “They’re gonna call it a hard foul. THEY’RE GONNA HAVE A HARD FOUL!!!!! These guys are RIDICULOUS!!!! These guys ARE RIDICULOUS”
• “Aw give me a break. They’re gonna call hand checking now? This Kenny Mauer needs to go home to his wife. Because no one here loves him”
• “Yea I’ll tell you what I said to the official afterwards. Worst officiated game I’ve seen all year. And you know what he said to me in a very smug fashion? Merry Christmas. You don’t know how smug these guys can be. They’re awful”

 

• “If you’re 7 feet tall, and you don’t speak English, come to Dallas. They’re hiring”
• “These officials are going for every, every God damn flop”
• “Danny Ferry went to Duke. My kid went to Duke. I’m so fired up I may never talk to my kid again”

 

He also thinks every player on the Celtics will eventually be the greatest player to ever live by the time they retire. For instance, here are his thoughts on the legendary Greg Stiemsma:

• “His timing and how he goes around blocking shots, reminds me of Bill Russell”.

However, Steimsma can never compare to the Greatest Celtic player of all time….. Walter McCarty. “I LOVE WATAH!!!!!!”

So who is the bigger homer of the 2? It’s a really tough call. Best answer in the comments gets featured in the next blog.

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