First I want to say that all I want from Manti and the Notre Dame community is to face the facts when they are all revealed. I’ve theorized that Manti was in on the fake dead girlfriend hoax in order to cover up for his homosexuality. But this is just a theory. The only person who can confirm this is Manti himself.

What I DON’T want to see happen is have Notre Dame fans turn into Penn State fans. We’re supposed to be better than that. How do you become Penn State fans? Hmmmm, where do I begin?

• Start blaming the media for the whole scandal.
• Insist that Manti had no idea about the hoax ever, despite irrefutable evidence that he knew since December that his girlfriend was as real as Santa Claus.
• Claim that everyone is out to get you because they’re jealous.

Are people who hate Notre Dame loving this story? Of course. How can we as Notre Dame fans make it worse? Deny it!!!

When I suggested that Manti was gay I got a lot of blowback from the online Notre Dame community (not on this blog though).  I’m not sure why though. As a Notre Dame fan I am really hoping that Manti is gay. It’s the only thing that could partially excuse any of this.

If Manti is gay, then he becomes the victim. He becomes the conflicted star player torn between protecting his image and draft status by pretending to have a girlfriend, and compromising his draft status (and it would affect where he was drafted) by coming out. Over the past couple of days I’ve really hoped that this was the truth. It’s the only scenario in my mind that is both believable and somewhat understandable. If this is true, then he instantly gains Omar status, from the Wire. If you haven’t seen this show, you need to sit down and dedicate 60 hours of your life to watching all 5 seasons. You’ll thank me later. Omar is a gay black gangster, ostracized by the gangster community because of his sexuality. As a result he is forced into isolation and becomes a gangsters worst nightmare by constantly murdering and robbing them.

So why are many in the Manti supporting community so quick to dismiss this theory? It’s the ONLY way for Manti to save face!!! Please, just give up hope now that he didn’t have any idea it was a hoax. Too many ways for that to become discredited.

Also, who is the victim in all of this? The first people that come to mind are the idiots in the media who got fooled. I don’t feel bad for them for a second. It’s their job to report the news. Instead of investigating the story AT ALL in September, they just took his fairy tale as an absolute truth and went with it. Let’s not forget, NO ONE DIED here. A make-believe person died.

So I got to thinking, since I believe Manti is lying about not knowing about the hoax from the beginning, how do his lies rank up there with other great historical liars? You be the judge!!!

Manti vs. Alger Hiss

For those of you who don’t remember history class, Alger Hiss was a high-ranking State Department officer who was accused of being a spy in 1948. His buddy Whittaker Chambers, a former member of the American Communist Party “outted” him. He proved that Hiss was spying by producing classified government secrets from a microfilm in a pumpkin. Investigators were able to prove that Hiss’s typewriter was used on the microfilm. After being found guilty of perjury Hiss famously said “Until the day I die, I shall wonder how Whittaker Chambers got into my house to use my typewriter. Then everyone laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

This isn’t even close. Manti makes Alger Hiss look like a rookie. Manti had me believing that God was on our side in the National Championship, largely because of his story. Manti would’ve been 2 steps ahead of Whittaker Chambers. Unless you were a Hollywood liberal you knew Hiss was full of crap. Manti? He had all of us going for a while there!!!

Winner: Manti

Manti vs. Bill Clinton

This is kind of like the reverse of what Manti lied about. Manti is a single guy who said he was in a relationship with a good looking babe in order to throw us off the scent. Slick Willy was a married man who denied being in a sexual relationship with a fat, semi-retarded White House intern in order to….actually I don’t know what he had to lose since he’d already been elected twice.

It’s tough to go head to head with the Comeback Kid. Clinton was one hell of a liar. Remember when he pointed right at the media and said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”? That was some intense lying right there. I mean even after he got caught he still got off. Somehow he became MORE popular after the scandal. I’d like to see Manti’s poll numbers go up after this one. Is Bill Clinton a better liar than Manti? Well, that depends on what your definition of “is” is.

Winner: Slick Willy

Manti vs. O.J. Simpson

 

Couple ways to look at this one. In the court of public opinion Manti is the clear winner. Unless you were a die-hard Naked Gun fan you knew O.J. did it. He got lawyered up better than John Scopes and literally got away with murder. That’s pretty bad-ass lying right there. In that sense he’s got Manti.

But, in the court of public opinion, Manti had everyone going for a while there. Especially the media. O.J.? Who did he have believing him? Just 12 idiots on a jury!!

Winner: Manti

 

Manti vs. Lance Armstrong

 This one’s not even close. Lance was probably watching this story unravel and shaking his head, saying “rookie”. I mean Lance has been lying about steroids for years, and look what he’s done. Won 7 Tour de Frances. Raised hundreds of millions of dollar for cancer research. Ruined the lives of anyone in his path. Got a bunch of idiots like me to wear Livestrong bracelets. Get Americans to give a shit about cycling (in the summer).

Manti had us following this story for a few months. Sure he made it to the Championship Game and the Heisman Award show, but Lance won it al 7 times!!! That’s how you lie baby!!!

Winner: Lance

Conclusion

Manti’s lie was pretty good, but he’s got a long way to go. He had us going for a while, but you gotta bring your A-game if you wanna hang with the big boys.

These are only 4 liars. Please feel free to share how other historical liars match up with my man Manti!!