image-34

High School Graduations: Priceless Memory Or Giant Waste Of Time?

Leave a reply

It’s high school graduation season, which made me think; why do so many people go to these things?

I remember thinking that a high school graduation was a really important event. Your whole family goes. They get dressed up. You take a bunch of pictures. The whole nine yards.

But what are you really celebrating?

I mean, how hard is to graduate from high school? Passing is a 60. That means that you can literally fail every single test and quiz you take in high school, make friends with a smart kid, copy his homework once in a while, do a little extra credit, and boom!! Solid 61. Pass.

tumblr_m5rnlcFJwY1r1mpi1o1_500

Not that this is what most kids do, but it’s ultimately what you are celebrating. You could’ve gotten straight A’s your entire high school career, served on the student council, captained the water polo team, and discovered a new element on the periodic table. None of that separates you from the people on stage with you. For this night, you are their equal. You’re all getting the exact same recognition. So why is this such a big deal?

OK, I understand if you were some nood-nik that got by at the last minute by making up a paper you never passed in. Then you’re actually celebrating something. Realistically this is the last graduation of your life if that is the case. Ten years from now you will most likely have a successful business doing something you’re good at, and the kids who tried really hard will be $100,000 in debt from student loans and living with their parents.

3q6h13

I am speaking from experience. As a graduate of Worcester South High School, I walked across the stage with some real gems. You mostly only saw these kids in health and gym class, and usually they were yelling at the teacher and dancing. Somehow they satisfied the same requirements I did. Then their guests start yelling “First in the family, first in the family.” It was at that moment on stage that I realized what a worthless exercise all of this was.

And what if your last name starts with the letter “S” or “T”? You go all the way in the back. No one sees you the entire time except for the 10 seconds when your name is called. Then you shake the hands of a bunch of suits who don’t know your name and return back to your seat with the masses.

homework-meme-300x227

High school graduations are long and more often than not boring. By far the two highlights of the ceremony are when the graduates walk in, and then later when they walk out. If you’re in the crowd you feel like you’re paparazzi. You just stand there and wait for the one person you are there to see walk by. Then you say “nice job” if you’re a guy. If you’re a girl you hug them. Because after all, this is a HUGE accomplishment.

3prztu

In between you have to listen to a bunch of cliche speeches. The class President usually goes first. This isn’t necessarily the smartest person, it’s just the person who speaks the best. To make things more interesting I recommend gambling.

  • Pick any five things from this list. Whenever the speaker says one of them you cross it off. First one to finish off their list, or whoever gets the most wins.
  1. These memories…
  2. Comment about random teacher most kids found funny….
  3. Comment about random teacher that most kids found difficult….
  4. We are the future…
  5. As we begin another chapter in our lives…
  6. Thank you to whatever teacher was in charge of the yearbook…
  7. We came in as strangers, we leave as friends….
  8. Quote from a movie
  9. Quote from a song
  10. Quote from a poem
  11. As we go forth into the world….
  12. Life/education is a journey….
  13. We made it….
  14. All the hard work we’ve done…..
  15. We’ve only just begin….
  16. As one door closes…..
  17. It seems like just yesterday…..
  18. Look at where we are now…..
  19. We will look back at these days as happy memories….
  20. We have incredible talents…..
  21. Follow your dreams….
  22. Be true to yourself….
  23. Martin Luther King quote
  24. Ghandi quote
  25. John F. Kennedy quote
  26. Websters’s defines (fill in the blank) as…..
  27. Be true to your dreams…..
  28. Today is the first day of the rest of your life…..
  29. Don’t be afraid to fail….

There’s a lot more you could put on this list. All of them are complete BS. In reality all of these have hidden meanings. I don’t know where to start, but here goes…..

JFK, MLK and Ghandi were all killed. Chances are that about three of you listening to this have the courage to die for your convictions.

Quotes from a poem or song are meant to inspire you. In reality the speaker just couldn’t write their own material so they used someone else’s.

These memories are mostly for humorous purposes. You won’t ever take anything seriously that happened in the last four years.

All the hard work we’ve done refers to the speaker and about five other kids. The rest of you just skated by.

Look at where we are now? We’re a bunch of kids who still live with our parents.

We are the future. That is a big part of the problem.

You came in as strangers and you leave as friends. But only on Facebook.

Be true to yourself? I still have absolutely no idea what this means.

Be true to your dreams? Pretty sure most of our dreams involve lying on the beach all day. I don’t think anyone’s dream is working really, really hard.

Don’t be afraid to fail? Unless it’s a really, really stupid idea like betting your life savings on a sure winner at the race track. In that case you should definitely be afraid to fail. If you’re not afraid to fail then you’re just being a reckless moron.

image-34

So after the Class President is finished with the highlight of their lives, the valedictorian speaks. Since they use big words, only the kids from AP English understand what they are saying. They all nod in agreement.

Then the principal gets up and talks about what a special class this is. Because the rest of the classes that came before you were not special at all. They may have seemed special last year at graduation, but that’s because your class hadn’t come through yet. Now we know for sure that it is YOU who are the special ones.

In the history of graduation speeches, there has only been one worth remembering. It happened last year at Wellesley High School, when David McCullough shocked 1% of the parents when he informed them multiple times that the graduates were not special, because after all there are thousands of morons just like them who are graduating from high school right now. If you have 12 minutes, I highly suggest you watch this…

Then one of the administrators starts calling kids down one by one. When a popular kid gets called everyone screams. It sucks to be the person called after this kid. Tough act to follow. When you get half the applause that they get you look like a huge loser, even though your Mom told you several times that you are in fact cool.

Finally you’re officially pronounced graduates and you celebrate like you did something important. You walk down the aisle, see your family for a split second, and meet them later for pictures. If I could do it all over again I would just show up at the end for the pictures. No point to be there for the rest of it. Mail me my diploma of achievement.

ce5e95d5d19c78fd1dd6178329d1e281

The only important part of a graduation is the party. This isn’t a celebration of your accomplishments as a high school graduate though. Because, let’s face it, you really didn’t do much. No, it’s a celebration of the fact that you no longer have to wake up at such an unreasonable hour for at least four more years. Your parents are celebrating that you’re out of the house, and you’re celebrating the same exact thing.

So my advice to high school seniors is don’t go to your graduation. Just have a big party instead. They’re way more fun, you’re not surrounded by morons you barely know and their families, and you can just put your cap and gown on there and take pictures so you still have the priceless memories.

tumblr_mlatofeAGd1rmiim9o1_500

So what do you think? Are high school graduations really worth attending? Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

If you like the Red Sox check out my Red Sox blogs from rantsports.com.

If you enjoyed this blog feel free to share it or pass it along on Facebook, Twitter, or whatever.

Follow me on Twitter @aidanfromworc and on Facebook @Aidan Fromworcester

3p8ugi

John Tortorella: New York Rangers Coach Likes To Swear A Lot So He Must Be Good

4 Replies

The day after I wrote this blog I decided to call up Felger and Mazz and rant to them about it. Here’s the video of it:

The Boston Bruins are up on the New York Rangers two games to none, and have been the much, much better team in both games. If you’re enjoying what you’ve seen so far, you should send a big “Thank you” towards Rangers coach John Tortorella, because none of this would be possible if he wasn’t such a complete moron, boob, hack job.

bilde-16

Tortorella is a really crappy coach, who’s been living on his one Stanley Cup 10 years ago with the Tampa Bay Lightning. He makes up for his deficiencies as a coach by blaming his players publicly, belittling reporters at press conferences, and when in doubt just swears on live television. In his mind this makes him a good coach.

3p8ugi

Torts is a defensive minded coach, like you’ve never seen before. If you thought Claude Julien was annoying with his inept power plays, conservative and play-to-tie game plans, and refusal to change, you should thank God Torts isn’t your coach. He’s like a nood-nik version of Julien. His players have to subscribe to his system, which mainly involves sacrificing your body by literally falling down in front of 100 mph slapshots.

Artem+Anisimov+New+York+Rangers+v+Vancouver+nMZG9Wuc7-ul

hi-res-166518994_crop_650x440

It’s either Torts’ way or the highway. If you’re not willing to put your face in front of a speeding puck on every shift he has no use for you. You wanna score goals? That’s stupid. The Bruins are VERY lucky that they are going against such a moronic coach. They’re even more lucky that the Rangers chose to keep him, instead of Marion Gaborik last month.

Gaborik is one of the best pure goal scorers in hockey. He’s one of my favorite players to watch, and has scored over 40 goals thrice. None of these characteristics appealed to Tortorella. The two of them had countless run ins over the years. Torts didn’t like the fact that Gaborik’s scoring was interfering with his duty to use his body as a human shield. The coach humiliated Gaborik by demoting him to the 4th line on multiple occasions.

For instance, here’s Tortorello publicly calling out Gaborik for not being a good back checker after a game…

So Gaborik with his 40-goal prowess didn’t fit the Totorella system, which of course is diving in front of pucks and making goalie Henrik Lundvquist do the rest. Rangers management decided it wasn’t a good fit, so one of them had to go. And that person was Gaborik, as they traded him to the Columbus Blue Jackets. Despite the fact that the Rangers were LAST in the NHL in goals scored, and despite that the bag of balls they got in return (Derrik Brassard, Derek Dorsett, and John Moore), were all defensive players.

Don’t worry, Rick Nash, who had never played in a playoff game in his career at that point, will do all the scoring.

Be thankful Bruins fans, this is the type of player we’re missing this series:

Who needs all those stupid goals, when you have players doing this…

The Rangers also have the worst power play in the NHL. Yes, that’s right, there are teams with worse power plays than the Bruins. That’s because just like the Bruins, they don’t try to score on power plays. There conversion rate in the playoffs is 2 for 31 as of right now.

Captain obvious would look at the 2 for 31 and say, “Gee whiz, you have Rick Nash, Brad Richards, and great defensemen like Michael Del Zotto and Dan Girardi, why aren’t the coaches developing some kind of….I don’t know….plan, to put them in a position to score?” Not Tortorella though. There’s nothing wrong with his system. There’s nothing wrong with the coaching. It’s all left winger Carl Hagelin’s fault….

Ya got that? Carl Hagelin screws it up because he’s a jitterbug. It has nothing to do with schemes, game planes, strategy, line pairings, nothing. Just Hagelin stinks. Everything Torts is doing is perfect.

The worst part about Tortorella is his surly attitude he takes with reporters. Torts works in the biggest media market in the Western Hemishpere, so of course he’s flabbergasted when reporters want to know the answers to stupid questions like, “Why are you losing so much?” How dare you ask questions like that!! The media’s job is to throw him softball questions when the team wins, and then just don’t ask him anything at all when the team loses.

Torts also wants you to know that he swears. He’s a rebel like that. Your’e not supposed to swear on live television, but when Torts does? What are you gonna do? That’s just Torts being Torts man. Like in last night’s game with the Bruins…

Wow, did you see him just sneak “God damn” in there. What a rebel. He’s so edgy like that. He’s such a loose canon; he can just go off at any second. Let’s all focus on that so we forget what a bad coach he is.

The problem with his act is that that jive just ain’t that cute if you’re not winning. But hey, when all else fails just take it out on the media!! He especially likes to go after this one guy he picks on named Brooksie….

That’ll teach ya Brooksie. Wanna ask a question? Be prepared to have that joint broken down by Torts.

Some people are comparing him to New York Jets coach Rex Ryan. Both are defensive coaches, and both are abrasive. That is where the similarities end though. Ryan is actually being himself. He acts like a fat bastard because he IS a fat bastard. Torts is just a Masshole from Concord. Anyone can just yell at reporters. It’s easy to do when you have the microphone and you can end a press conference whenever you want. He can’t coach and he convinces his players it’s entirely their fault when they lose.

Four game sweep? Go Bruins!!

image-33

New NJ Coaching Scandal: Seton Hall Softball Coach Calls Players Aborted Fetuses, Doesn’t Let Them Go To Class

6 Replies

After the Mike Rice scandal at Rutgers, a new coaching scandal has emerged at Seton Hall, which begs the question: Is every coach from New Jersey a psychotic moron?

The new award for moron of the month goes to Seton Hall softball coach Paige Smith. In a recent expose from the Newark Star Ledger it was revealed that Smith is the biggest idiot in college sports.

ye35

First of all, her team sucked. The finished 21-30. But she treats her players like they are playing in the World Series. Here are some of the more eye opening examples….

  • Reserve pitcher Brooke Rickards recently married her marine husband before he was deployed to Afghanistan to go risk his life for his country. She wanted to go home to see him off and say goodbye, but there was a game that weekend. Since Rickards was a reserve pitcher who only had 3 appearances in 32 games, anyone with half a brain, or half a heart would obviously grant her this leave. Not Smith though. She told Rickards that “You’re letting your team down if you go.”

image-30

  • Smith made a rule that athletes were not allowed to speak to family or friends between double headers, which have long waiting periods between games.
  • Two sophomores who never played had to do a presentation for their business class in front of representatives from Johnson to Johnson, but they had a road game in San Diego. Since it was required for class, and since it gave the girls an opportunity for internships (which they both ended up getting) they obviously had to stay. Since neither of them will be playing professional softball (it doesn’t exist) they obviously had to do this, since it could lead to a job opportunity. Coach Smith berated them in front of the whole team saying, “These two are choosing that team over this team.” They were suspended for the rest of the season.

image-31

  • Rickards was dismissed from the team for going to Spanish class instead of a mid-week game, despite the fact that Smith had allowed students to miss games for classes they were in danger of failing. Rickards had missed 20 spanish classes already due to softball, and couldn’t afford to miss another one. The decision to let her go was backed up by an NCAA rule that says that students can be forced to miss class for road games. Seton Hall was playing at the mighty Stony Brook, NY that weekend.
  • During practices Smith would divide the team into two groups that she called, “the aborted fetuses” and “the booze bags.” When reserve senior Cashel Gaffey pointed out that this was probably inappropriate considering that Seton Hall is a catholic school, Coach Smith responded by saying, “‘What I think is appropriate is for you to run for the entire practice.”

image-32

This lady is a moron for so many reasons. For starters, it’s college softball. Who goes to college softball games? I would assume the parents, some really close friends, and shady dudes that are trying to make it with the second baseman. Stop acting like this is some type of sport that really matters.

Softball is not a revenue producing sport. Only football and men’s basketball are. The rest of the sports are basically just a drain on the school’s athletic budget. They cost the school a lot of money by paying for scholarships, road trips, coaches salaries, equipment, etc. Therefore winning and losing ultimately doesn’t matter. Sure it’s nice if you win, but if you don’t, who cares? In football you can make millions by getting into the right bowl game. In basketball you can make millions off of merchandise if you make the NCAA tournament. You could win the National Championship in softball and NO ONE would give s***.

Since softball doesn’t raise any revenue that would qualify Coach Smith as a leach. She collects a paycheck, complete with health insurance and benefits, from the school and in return gives them a 20-31 record. Remind me what the school is getting out of her.

image-33

This is a classic example of a woman who thinks that everyone cares so much about her pointless existence. You all know the type. Like the girl who doesn’t shut up about what she wants to get her masters in, or what she did at the gym that day. She LIVES for college softball, because it’s all she’s got. Therefore everyone else MUST live for it too. If you think about stupid things like what you’re going to do for the rest of your life after college, or saying goodbye to your husband for possibly the last time, then you’re obviously not Seton Hall material. Take that trash to Rutgers. Every aspect of your life must revolve around this garbage 20-31 team.

The most important thing to remember about Coach Smith’s rules are that she gets to choose the names for groups during practice. If she chooses “aborted fetuses” for your group, don’t be a baby about it (no pun intended).

Also if you like the Red Sox feel free to check out my Sox blogs for Rantsports.com.

If you like what you read here I really appreciate all shares on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Google+, or whatever.

Follow me on Facebook @ Aidan Fromworcester and on Twitter @aidanfromworc

1207759192843tx8

Florida Teens Tape Themselves Lure Their Friend To Home To Beat Relentlessly; Kind Of Sorry

Leave a reply

Lifetime movies are some of the cheesiest, scripted, dramatized nonsense on television. But when my fiancé puts them on, I just can’t turn away. Last night the movie of choice was about these six popular girls who befriend a nerdy girl, and then lure her to a house and beat her unconscious while they film it. The victim is a dork so she feels privileged to hang with the cool kids.

At the end the mother of the victim grants the defendants mercy because they were being charged with kidnapping and faced life sentences. So they didn’t end up going to jail. It turns out this was based on a true story so here’s the video of what actually happened.


Another example why Florida is such a terrible state. There’s trashy people everywhere, but in Florida they’re a special breed. Six girls who were angry about who skipped out on the last bill at Denny’s. Everything about these Florida girls is trashy. The pink pajama pants and the white tank top with the gut hanging out just reek of Florida. It’s hot. It’s muggy. They’re not getting dressed up.

The most painful part about this besides the vicious beating, was that listening to their accents. They just sound dumber the more they speak. Like, how mad can you get at someone because

“You were telling people you don’t like me. He told Kaitlin my best friend that you did.”

Imagine caring about something like that? Oh no, someone doesn’t like me. I’ll befriend them and lure them to the house for a choreographed and filmed beating and think nothing is wrong with it.

This is what we’re dealing with for defendants:

1207759192843tx8

When I think of Florida, Zachary Ashley is EXACTLY what I think of. Every single one of them is OOZING Florida. I can just hear the ignorance spew out of their mouths. April Cooper, who did the beating in the bedroom and later in the living room, looks like a real honors student. And just look at their names. Mercades, Brittini, Brittney, and April. If these people’s parents spent half the time they did naming their children as they did raising them then maybe they wouldn’t be complete pieces of human garbage. With names like that you’re pretty much encouraging your children to become teen moms.

You would assume that after the victim’s mother asked the judge for leniency and they all got probation, that they would be very apologetic and remorseful.

No such case.

Cara Murphy was holding the camera that night. She was heard saying “Oh, yea, oh yea, oh yea”, as Victoria was being beaten. Here’s what she had to say afterwards.

It might not be possible to hate anyone more than this girl. First she says the charges were dropped because she was obviously not guilty. Wrong moron, they were dropped because the victim’s mother saved you which was obviously a really stupid idea because you’re an idiot from Florida who doesn’t know right from wrong.

She says she’s ready to move on, and leave this behind her. You know, like just forget it ever happened. It never, ever happened.

My favorite quote was:

“During the time I could definitely say, I felt..scared for. But, um, I guess I just didn’t realize, how, like, how much, it like, it was bad, like, you know. But once I saw the video, it made me realize that this was a really bad thing that happened”

How does this person have any friends at all? She has NO soul. It’s like the whole time she’s trying to explain what happened, but she just can’t do it. Her vocabulary consists of no more than 25 words, so she has to make all her sentences out of those. It’s like normal people playing wheel of fortune, except she does it in order to speak.

And I love the life lesson she drops on us. “People don’t realize that you can get in trouble for putting stuff on the internet.” No honey, actually the rest of us do. When you’re watching your next fight at the Dairy Queen, just understand that that’s not SUPPOSED to happen, and should not be part of your life. How stupid can you be if you didn’t realize that you could commit a crime, put it on youtube, and become surprised when someone sees it and makes a big deal about it?

And just think, in ten years, that’ll be someone’s ex-wife. She’ll have a baby and the life cycle will continue in the great state of Florida.

What penalty should these girls have gotten? Feel free to leave comment to keep the conversation going.

Also if you like the Red Sox feel free to check out my Sox blogs for Rantsports.com.

If you like what you read here I really appreciate all shares on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Google+, or whatever.

Follow me on Facebook @ Aidan Fromworcester and on Twitter @aidanfromworc

image-29

Who Are Worcester’s Top 5 DUI (OUI) Attorney’s?

2 Replies

Worcester_Bishop_Pleads_Not_guilty_to_DU_922280000_20130507181950_640_480

Bishop McManus of the Worcester Diocese was recently arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. The weird part about this was that it’s hardly even being considered a scandal. He’s not resigning and it’s all going to be forgotten about within the next couple of weeks. Surely this wouldn’t be happening if he was selling drugs or assaulted someone. Why is that?

Driving under the influence of alcohol is a really stupid idea. Whenever you go out you should always have a designated driver or take a cab because you’re putting other people in danger and it’s really selfish.

Drunk-Driving

With that being said DUI’s are still by far the most common crime committed by the white collar crowd. Hardly anyone reading this can say with a straight face that they’ve never gotten behind the wheel of a car with a Blood Alcohol Content of over .08. If you haven’t then give me a call because I’d love to party with you sometime.

Courts don’t f*** around with DUI either. In Massachusetts if you refuse to take a BAC test then you automatically lose your license for six months. Have fun with that. Pretty much everyone knows someone who’s had one DUI. Anything more than that though is just trashy. The only people you see getting multiple DUI’s are white trash from Oxford and Webster who will be coming to Worcester more often once the slot parlor is built.

So when people do get a DUI, who do they call? The first thing you need is a great lawyer. If you call the right guy or gal you can come out of this embarrassing ordeal unscathed. If you call the wrong person then you’ll end up with the minimum 30 day sentence. Either way it’s going to cost you a lot of money so you probably want to spend your money wisely.

3p9k8k

That brings us to our Top 5 list of the day. Who are the Top 5 DUI attorney’s in Worcester?

5. Gregory Casale

292576_4202983199770_1578484174_n

Casale has over 15 years of experience in DUI’s and has helped over 1,000 clients get through this. He does lots of different types of cases, and roughly 25% of them are for DUI’s. He recently won the Excellent Attorney Award for 2013, and has an average client rating of 8.7 out of 10. He recommends pulling your car over and taking a nap if you are drunk behind the wheel, but urges you to take the keys out of the ignition to avoid arrest. He has gotten hundreds of drunks off the hook, particularly those that refuse breathalyzers. Here is an example:

“Westboro District Court. In this case the 25 year old male was stopped by local police on Route 9 for speeding. The Officer reported observations of a strong odor of alcohol, bloodshot and glassy eyes. The Officer deemed that the Defendant failed a variety of field sobriety tests. Our client was arrested and charged with Operating Under the Influence of Alcohol (OUI) and Speeding. At trial, Attorney Casale obtained a verdict of Not Guilty and upon Attorney Casale’s motion, the judge ordered our client’s license to be reinstated, despite his refusal to take the Breath Test.”

Need more convincing? Here’s his girlfriend. You don’t get a woman with a body like that if you’re some Joe Schmo lawyer off the street. Give this guy a call when you’re in trouble.

561039_4368930708354_1111780059_n

4. Michael Erlich

529549_551683848205805_1255002848_n

Erlich is one of the savvy veterans of the OUI defense world. He can work magic in the courtroom. While others may be inclined to take plea deals for second and third OUI offenses, this is where Erlich separates himself from the rest. Check out this satisfied client’s story for his 3rd OUI…..

“I was on my way home from my girlfriends sisters house after having a meal and sharing a bottle of wine . We had started to watch a movie afterwards and fell asleep. I woke up startled as to what happened and being late for my overtime at work which was midnight. It was now around 1:am. I had stopped for gas in Webster and procceeded down RT 12 to Worcester. My regular shift time is 2:am so I had plenty of time to go home and change. As I drove along RT 12 in Oxford I was folllowed by a state trooper after exit 5. He followed me for over three miles before pulling me over. He got out and asked me what exit I had gotten off of ? puzzeled as to what he was asking me continued to accuse me of driving the wrong way on interstate 395. He said he was dispatched because of numerous calls of a wrong way driver on 395.Knowing I was being profiled when being followed and having two DUI’s in the past did not make things pretty at that time of the morning. He asked if I had been drinking which I said yes earlier in the evening at dinner at around 7:pm. Then he asked if I was on 395 and I said yes on my way to Webster at 5:pm. He started to ask what exit I got off of again and that’s when I new I was being accused of being the other guy. He asked if I would do a field sobriety and chemicai test which I refused. I was arrested for DUI , driving to endanger ,speeding , and marked lane violation. Wow what to do ? I was refferred to attorney Michael Erlich who I was told is one of the best at criminal law defence. I found attorney Michael Erlich to be friendly, personal, and understanding of your situation and of the law reguarding your case. I had numerous continuences two for me ,one for the trooper, and three for no courtroom availibility. Attorney Michael Erlich had put a lot of time into this case and after 19 months of waiting for my jury trial came out with a not guilty of third offence DUI. Guilty of the other charges with two years probation and classes to take . I found Michael to be well groomed and polished in his craft A great animated speaker in your defence and knowledgible of the laws and how both sides are played. I highly recomened this gentlemen to represent you. Thank you Michael for all you’ve done to help me ! Bravo !!!”

First of all, this guy justifies everything I’ve made fun of about Oxford and Webster. Secondly, everything he’s saying is absolute bulls***. No one in Webster drinks anything but Budweiser so there’s no way he was drinking wine. Secondly Route 12 is just a regular road, so it has no exits. This guy is obviously a danger to all of us, but luckily Michael Erlich has kept his drunk ass out on the roads.

pdvd_049

Then there’s this gem….

“Michael Erlich is a extreemly good atturney, in the fact that he knows the laws as well as reading people. my case was not an easy one to fight seeing that i took a breathalizer with a .16 result. As the plea aggrements crossed the table i passed them up knowing that i had a good guy representing me. Against the odds for succsess in this case we went ahead to jury trial. Waching and listening to atturny Erlich conduct himself as a true proffesional in front of the DA, Juge, and Jury was reasuring that i had made the right choice. thruout the trial mike had a calmness about him that was right for case. The opening and closing statements put every one at ease especially me, and the cross examination was done with pin point accuracy that made lite of the possitives during my arrest. When the jury came out from deliberating it was the most nerve rattling moment of my life. when the jurror started with the first not guilty it was hard to contain myself and apon leaving the courtroom atturny Erlich shook my hand and congradulated me, but not without me congradulating him. He won it he did all the work i just hired the best guy for the job. Thanks again.”

How many words can you possibly misspell in one client review? And .16 is pretty high dude. It’s not like .09 where you can say you had three beers over a couple hours. A BAC of .16 means you were partying relatively hard. My favorite part is how he says Erlich pinpointed his “made lite of the positives” during his arrest. I’m not sure what that means but I’m assuming that the dude said several hilarious things in a drunken stooper that Erlich was able to get the jury to laugh out. Basically telling the jury, “Look my client is a dumbass, but he provides comic relief so you should feel bad for him.”

3. James Milligan

Mass-OUI5

All of the other attorney’s on this list do a number of different types of cases. Not Milligan though. He’s exclusively DUI, so he has to get consideration for being the top guy. He carries a 10 out of 10 client review rating and is known to eat lunch with judges and court employees. According to his website, “Attorney Milligan is a seasoned and experienced drunk driving lawyer who handles more drunk driving cases a year in Massachusetts than most attorneys do in their career.” Take that rookies. But don’t just listen to Milligan’s website alone. Here is what one of his client’s had to say…

“Upon finding myself facing a conviction for a DUI 2nd offense, I needed to find the best DUI defense against these charges. I did extensive research interviewing multiple DUI Attorneys, and determined that Attorney Milligan was without any question, the Attorney I should hire. This was the best decision I ever made, as the Jury found me NOT GUILTY after only 20 minutes. I failed two field sobriety test, was unsteady on my feet, smelled of alcohol, and my eyes were blood shot. The State had a Civilian witness and a State Trooper testifying that I was all over the road.”

This made me laugh out loud. This guy is proud of how hammered he was and got away with it. Gotta love those Carter-appointed judges. He failed every test he was given, couldn’t stand up, reeked of booze, had bloodshot eyes, and had both a cop and civilian testify about how hammered he was when he was driving. Not Guilty.

The downside of Milligan is that his offices are in Norwell and he’s very expensive. Otherwise he’d likely be ranked #1.

2. Anthony Salerno

205968_270948826254045_2567486_n

Salerno is a mainstay at the Worcester Courthouse. He’s got 27 years worth of experience, and perhaps more importantly was a Massachusetts State Trooper and Detective for 10 years previous to going into law. The value of this cannot be understated. Besides all of the connections you would make in law enforcement, his experience as a trooper no doubt gives him intimate knowledge of the strengths and weaknesses of law enforcement. He’s won multiple awards including a 2000 Honorary Criminal Law Instructor, awarded by the Massachusetts State Police. Ya got that? He teaches cops how guys like him poke through weaknesses in their reports. That is the type of lawyer you want on your side. Everyone else is afraid to cross the police. This guy SCHOOLS them. Here’s what a client had to say….

“This was my first OUI and Tony was there to take my call on a Saturday afternoon and again on a Sunday. He met with me right away, assessed my case, and gave me clear and experienced guidance to the approach we should take. He met with me before my trial and prepared me for the day while giving comfort and reassurance through his knowledge of the process. On the day of the trial he quickly assessed the court environment, confirmed with me he had the right strategy, and executed on it to perfection…a not guilty verdict! I would recommend Tony for his experience, professionalism, knowledge, confidence, and network of relationships in the court and the police. It was a pleasure working with him!”

Not only is reachable on the weekends, he’s also got a network of relationships in the court and police. Not guilty.

1. Michael Monopoli

bilde-15

In Worcester, Monopoli is like the godfather of DUI lawyers. First of all, bad ass name. When you go to court with a guy named Monopoli defending you, you can walk into the courtroom guilty as sin and know with full confidence that you’re going to leave there with the best deal possible. He has been doing this for 38 years, and roughly 40% of his cases involved DUI. According to his website, “At one point or another, we have addressed every type of O.U.I. issue imaginable.” 

Monopoli is always in the Telegram and Gazette getting people off of obvious DUI violations. For instance, in 2009 a lad named Ryan Townsend, was cocked and drove right past the guards at the Assumption College gate. He almost hit several pedestrians before finally pulling over and nearly hitting a parked car. He then got out of the car, stumbled everywhere and declared to the Assumption College Officer that he had been drinking at a party.

Oh yea, and that’s not all. According to the Worcester Telegram and Gazette, “It was the second time he had been charged with driving under the influence. The first, on Jan. 6, 2007, happened after the car he was driving allegedly struck and cracked a utility pole in Auburn. His blood alcohol content was more than twice the legal limit, according to the police report on file at court. Mr. Townsend had two passengers in the car and admitted that facts were sufficient for a finding of guilty. He lost his license for 210 days, and charges, which also included negligent driving, were continued without a finding and then dismissed.”

And how did Monopoli get him out of this one? He found a loophole. Turns out that since Assumption College has a guarded entrance, the roads inside the campus are not considered a public way. Therefore he is exempt from Massachusetts State Law on those roads. Presumably he could have struck and killed someone and had the same verdict. This of course makes perfect sense.

A quick look at Mr. Townsend’s Facebook page don’t really show much remorse or desire to stop getting shitcocked and driving around like a maniac. Pretty much every picture on his Facebook involves him holding a drink and looking hammered. Like this one, which was put up on December 18, 2009…THE EXACT SAME DAY HE WAS FOUND NOT GUILTY!!!

39516_1529223283063_1253574_n

It’s like….come on man….you gotta keep a low profile for a little bit. Even after OJ killed his wife and got found not guilty he at least pretended to look for the real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Donate money to MADD or do something that doesn’t make you look like a total dooshnozzle.

image-29

With pictures like this, is there really any doubt who the king of DUI defense is? If you’ve got an extra $8,000 lying around, and you’re a degenerate repeat offender, give Michael Monopoli a call. He’s got your back.

27222_1320902795181_60220_n 528831_10200350732443456_1711643223_n 602087_10200198754324098_587347018_n 378642_2541636912771_1570381781_n

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Am I omitting any deserving OUI attorneys?

Also if you like the Red Sox feel free to check out my Sox blogs for Rantsports.com.

If you like what you read here I really appreciate all shares on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Google+, or whatever.

Follow me on Facebook @ Aidan Fromworcester and on Twitter @aidanfromworc

150-Mb7uq.AuSt.55

Gay Pride Parade In Georgia Near Chechnya Turns Into Priests Beating Gays With Cactuses As Expected

Leave a reply

TBILISI, Georgia — Thousands of anti-gay protesters, including Orthodox priests, occupied a central street in Georgia’s capital Friday, with some threatening to lash with stinging nettles any participant in a gay pride parade which was to take place there.

Police in Tbilisi guarded several dozen gay activists and bused them out of the city center shortly after they arrived at the gathering. Those occupying the street held posters reading “We don’t need Sodom and Gomorrah!” and “Democracy does not equal immorality!”

Police, however, failed to prevent scuffles, which resulted in 16 people getting injured, the ambulance service said.

A number of protesters carrying bunches of stinging nettles threatened to use them on gay activists. They insist that homosexuality runs against Georgia’s traditional Orthodox Christian values.

Father David, a priest who was one of the organizers of Friday’s anti-gay rally, said the parade “insults people’s traditions and national sentiments.”

A gay rally in Tbilisi last year was also short-lived and ended in a scuffle.

Georgia’s authorities had given the green light for the gay parade to take place, saying that all Georgian citizens, irrespective of their sexuality, are entitled to voice their views in public.

“We are against the propaganda of homosexuality,” 21-year-old student Nikolai Kiladze said. “If we need to allow parades like this in order to become a member of the European Union or other Western organizations and blocs, then I’m against joining these organizations.”

Georgia’s human rights ombudsman, Uchi Nanuashvili, said it is “deplorable” that gay people’s constitutional rights were violated on Rustavi Street on Friday.

And you thought Texas was intolerant. So this went pretty much as expected. I’ve never been to Georgia but here’s what I know about it.

  • Joseph Stalin was from there and he killed millions of people
  • It’s right next to Chechnya, and based on what I’ve seen from the family of Speedbump and Jafar everyone from that region is out of their mind.
  • Georgia has one city that’s bigger than Worcester, so pretty much everyone from the country is a backwoods, old-school, traditional gay-hating moron.
  • The majority of women in Georgia are part of arranged marriages, which basically means they are thousands of years behind the modern world.

georgia

When I first read that the Orthodox priests were threatening to hit gay pride marchers with stinging nettles, I assumed it was some sort of medieval torture device. It turns out it’s this plant…

images-106Who came up with the idea to hit someone with this cactus looking thing? Did they run out of rocks in Georgia?

Then you have the signs that say “Democracy does not equal immorality.” Actually dude, yea it was. That’s kind of the whole point of democracy. If you don’t want immorality you need a dictatorship. Someone with an iron fist that can just outright ban gay parades. Freedoms come with certain consequences and you can’t just be beating people with stinging nettles when it doesn’t turn out how you want.

The lesson you should all take out of this event is this: Unless you’re in Japan, Western Europe, Canada, or the United States don’t try to change anything because everyone in the world is batshit out of their minds and will hit you with a cactus if you threaten their way of life. Have you ever seen a video from Eastern Europe or a former Soviet republic where the people are just at the park enjoying life? Nope. Even an advanced country like the US still doesn’t have gay marriage in most states. And you think these people from Georgia are even close to allowing that? How about we take small steps. Like a no egg throwing, fist fighting, and tear gas rule in Parliament? Baby steps people. Baby steps.

image-28

Toronto Maple Leafs Fans Hilarious Reaction To Game 7 Loss Brings Me Back To 2003

2 Replies

Even though the Boston Bruins have turned their attention to destroying the New York Rangers, I’m still not entirely over their game seven win over the Toronto Maple Leafs, and I don’t know if I ever will be.

One group of people who can’t possibly be over it are Leafs fans. See, Bruins fans have the luxury of knowing their team will make the playoffs every year. They did make it 29 straight years after all. So we take it for granted. I watched every game from home because it’s just a first round series. Plenty more where that came from. I’ll start getting together with local boobs from Worcester once they start playing the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Eastern Conference Finals. Even if we lose we still have the Pats, and maybe even the Red Sox.

Not Leafs fans though. This was their first playoff series in nine years! They haven’t won the Stanley Cup since 1967, when there a grand total of SIX teams in the NHL. So yea, these poor people had a lot invested in this series. You would too if all you had to look forward to in the offseason was the Blue Jays and the Raptors.

One of these lost souls decided that the Leafs would win game seven and wanted to capture the memories of the FIRST ROUND win so they could watch it on repeat for the next nine years when they don’t make the playoffs. Unfortunately it really, really backfired. Here’s what went down.

This whole thing reminded me my experience watching the Red Sox lose to the Yankees in game six of the ALCS. I was a senior in college at UMass. At the Zoo any time the home team won a big game it usually ended in outright debauchery, violence, and mayhem. So you can imagine how badly I wanted that game. For the pink hats out there, it was the game where we were winning 5-2 going into the bottom of the eighth, and Grady Little kept Pedro Martinez in the game only to see the Yankees tie the score off of him, and win it in the 11th on an Aaron “freakin’” Boone home run.

These poor people. I’ve been there before. Let’s compare our experiences…

3-1 Kessel goal

2013: Dude on the middle couch gets some serious air time complete with Irish Step Dance leg kicks. Girl on the couch is all happy because the boys are happy. She really could give a s*** less and just wants the boys to be happy. Classic “just a friend” babe. I’m still trying to figure out what’s up with the dude next to her who doesn’t stand up with everyone else. Is he trying to lay the pipe? Probably not, she’s a little out of his league. So why isn’t he going nuts too? Also loved the round of high fives from the dude in the Kessel shirt, who totally whiffs on his first one. Things looking good for Leafs fans.

2003: I was doing the same thing when the Red Sox scored three runs in the second inning off of Clemens.

6a00d8341bf8f353ef017eeafc1223970d-500wi

4-1 Kadri goal

2013: The dude with the vertical gets AT LEAST 40 inches off the ground, especially since he’s clearly a semi-overweight Canadian slob. Still trying to figure out the dude next to the babe on the couch. He’s just pounding water like a boss. Dude on the right hand couch with the #19 jersey starts texting, presumably about the after party.

2003: Kevin Millar hits a home run in the 4th inning, putting the Red Sox up 4-0.  Me and a bunch of dudes start high have similar reaction to Toronto fans as Roger Clemens is pulled out of the game.

leaffans(2)

4-2 Horton goal

2013: New girl has emerged in the room, and she ain’t watching the game because she’s too busy texting up a storm. But who is she texting? What could possibly be more important in Toronto than this game right now? Or is she just relaxed? Figures with only 10 minutes left in the game it’s too little, too late for the Bruins. The dudes in the room are not so relaxed. Their reactions were like mine when Wes Welker dropped the ball in the Super Bowl. This wasn’t nearly as bad though as the Welker drop though, because the Welker drop gave the ball right back to the Giants with a free shot to win the Super Bowl. This goal? Big deal, still up two. It’s like they knew what was coming next…..

2003: Bottom of the seventh, 4-1 Red Sox. Jason Giambi hits a solo home run off of Pedro, his second of the game. Our reaction was kind of similar but, slightly more optimistic. I thought the Red Sox would choke, but I figured it would be in the World Series.

941324_10152879868955019_2047383452_n

4-3 Lucic goal

2013: There’s only 1:30 left in the game, the Leafs are up two and these guys were watching the TV like the score was tied. Three of them are relentlessly biting their nails prior to the Lucic goal. If this were Boston people we’d all be standing up going nuts because we knew we were going to win. It’s like these guys KNEW exactly what was about to transpire.

Side note at this point: the girl who was texting before is now suddenly interested in the game. She knows what’s at stake here. If the Leafs hold on the party scene will be good tonight and she’ll be getting AMCAP. The other girl looks upset at first, and then smiles because after all, she’s a girl so she’ll be over this in five seconds. Dude pounding water needs some Doritos. Cocked.

2003: Unlike the Toronto boys I wasn’t worried when the Red Sox were up 5-2. I was calling people up, planning on going to the inevitable riots in the Southwest dorms.

Bottom of the 8th, 5-3 Red Sox. Two on, one out. Jorge Posada at the plate against an obviously tired Pedro. Grady Little walks out to the mound, and slowly walks back to the dugout with Pedro still on the mound…..

sad_leafs_fans.jpg.size.xxlarge.promo

4-4 Bergeron goal

2013: They totally knew this was coming, and I totally know the feeling. The girl who was texting covers her mouth at first, then she starts to smile. I think I’ve figured out who she was texting: her Bruins booty call. She knows it’s going to be a good night at this point.

2003: Of course Posada hits a two run double. It just had to happen. This was the Red Sox and of course we’re cursed. I thought we had a 5% chance of winning at this point. I think even these Toronto fans were more optimistic than us.

Well_that_escalated_quickly

5-4 Bergeron goal

2013: Where the hell did all these people come from? Were they all taking massive dumps during the third period? Seriously, water boy has a random blonde on his lap, there’s a standing room only section, and the text-master babe all of a sudden has a Leafs sweater on with second grade-style folded hands.

The reactions to the goal were just awesome. Loud swearing, followed by synchronized face in hands while thrusting back on couches. “How?!!” You can literally see their hearts being broken into pieces.

The little message there at the end best illustrates the difference between Toronto and Boston fans. They’re upset but optimistic. Young team, get em’ next year.

2003: I remember when Aaron Boone hit that God damn home run. Twelve dudes in a room. One starts smashing chair. One starts punching wall. Everyone else walks out of the house in silence by themselves. No parting words. Nothing. No riots. No parties. Just silence. And you certainly didn’t see any Red Sox fans talking about next year. Why would we? The 2004 Red Sox would just let us down again. Next year would just be more of the same right?

image-28

What was your 2003 Red Sox reaction like compared to these Torontonians? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments to keep the conversation going.

Also if you like the Red Sox feel free to check out my Sox blogs for Rantsports.com.

If you like what you read here I really appreciate all shares on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Google+, or whatever.

Follow me on Facebook @ Aidan Fromworcester and on Twitter @aidanfromworc